TPE - Collaring
[12:16] Mermaid Stormcrow: so let's start the discussion
[12:16] Mermaid Stormcrow: This is Fawn's topic
[12:16] Mermaid Stormcrow: For the next two weeks we will be discussing dominant and submissive roles.. The goal is to explore our expectations of ourselves and our partners as we fulfill these roles. There is no one comprehensive set of skills and behaviors that define either role. As people describe their desires and needs we will see that roles are fluid and evolve to satisfy both partners. Even for TPE the Domme/sub relationship is much more a collaboration that it might seem.
[12:17] Mermaid Stormcrow: This week is focusing on Dommes. Next week will be subs.
[12:17] Mermaid Stormcrow: To the dommes in the room, when you read this topic, what comes to mind?
[12:19] Carla (cyberspy): Which part, the TPE?
[12:19] Mermaid Stormcrow: When I read this topic, I think of how much I've learned since starting as a domme; not that long ago.
[12:20] Mermaid Stormcrow: What does TPE mean Carla?
[12:20] Belldandy Watanabe: Well, to my way of thinking of the relationship I would prefer to call it a fusion
[12:20] Carla (cyberspy): Total Power Exchange
[12:20] Mermaid Stormcrow: Ah
[12:20] Mermaid Stormcrow: oh, tell us more what you mean Bell.
[12:20] ღ Chrisa Romanov ღ (chrisa.zifer): tessa pinching extraordinaire
[12:20] Carla (cyberspy): and yes that is a huge collaboration
[12:22] Belldandy Watanabe: Being married hopefully does not mean one is becoming feeble
[12:22] Mermaid Stormcrow: It may be. laughter
[12:23] Belldandy Watanabe: In any case, a well formed relationship will have both the Domme and the submissive thinking alike within the style of TPE they have agreed to
[12:23] Mermaid Stormcrow nods. They have negotiated and agreed to the type and amount of the exchange
[12:24] Belldandy Watanabe: Exactly
[12:24] Belldandy Watanabe: Which is why I think in terms of fusion
[12:25] Mermaid Stormcrow: these negotiations, do you think they take a lot of time, or can be done quickly and easily?
[12:25] Belldandy Watanabe: I used to collar on a whim but found that to result in break ups
[12:25] Belldandy Watanabe: Now I try to court the submissive for 30 days
[12:26] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov) nods
[12:26] Mermaid Stormcrow: Myself as well. Carla or Fawn, do you have a time frame of courting and getting to know a sub?
[12:26] Carla (cyberspy): I dont use a time period. Whatever feels right
[12:26] Mermaid Stormcrow: ah
[12:27] Carla (cyberspy): sometimes months, sometimes weeks. Depends on how we bond
[12:27] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): :)
[12:27] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): yes
[12:27] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): Mistress has patience :)
[12:27] Mermaid Stormcrow nods. How long was the courting period with you adonna?
[12:27] Carla (cyberspy): For me its the expense of the pony gear if we are doing that aspect
[12:28] Carla (cyberspy): One of my friends said I should wait 2 months before offering that.
[12:28] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): Miss Mermaid ?
[12:28] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): it was about month
[12:28] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): from meeting
[12:28] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): and to be collared
[12:29] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): and another two three weks to be intimate
[12:29] Mermaid Stormcrow: thank you adonna.
[12:29] Carla (cyberspy): We met underwater out exploring
[12:29] Adonna Star (adonnaberti) giggles
[12:29] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): a long engagement lol
[12:29] Mermaid Stormcrow: quite a process to get to know another person well.
[12:29] Belldandy Watanabe: I would call to the attention of our submissive ladies that you will note that none of us collar on a whim.
[12:30] Mermaid Stormcrow: thank you Bell. It's an important part of the mission of the Cellar. To cultivate long-term relationships.
[12:30] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): and we appreciate it
[12:30] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): the bonding is very important to the relationships longevity
[12:30] Caprice (becky.koolhoven) nods once
[12:30] Carla (cyberspy): others are normally 1-2 months
[12:31] Feralangel Tolsen: Ya. I do appreciate that this place has never felt like a quick fix club.
[12:31] Moni Grant (monique.basevi): so true
[12:32] Mermaid Stormcrow: And we support both mistresses and sub if the relationships do pass quickly. To better understand our wants and needs and how to match them with another (or others)
[12:32] Caprice (becky.koolhoven) Mistress and I where ponies together for about a year before she revealed her intentions of collaring me and even then we took our time and did a trial period
[12:32] Fawn Starflare: more to it than mere bonding.
[12:32] Mermaid Stormcrow: ahhh, thank you caprice
[12:32] Elisandra Foxdale: it's lovely that things are actually discussed here. Rather than everyone standing around silently fishing via IM
[12:32] Mermaid Stormcrow puts back my fishing road and winks at eli.
[12:32] ღ Chrisa Romanov ღ (chrisa.zifer) whispers: may i speak Lady Tessa?
[12:32] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): please share your comment,chrisa
[12:32] ღ Chrisa Romanov ღ (chrisa.zifer) whispers: thank you Lady Tessa
[12:33] Moni Grant (monique.basevi): nice to see so many here
[12:33] Mermaid Stormcrow: I can see that chrisa is writing
[12:33] Mermaid Stormcrow: I am waiting to hear her thoughts
[12:34] ღ Chrisa Romanov ღ (chrisa.zifer): i've been around since 2006 in sl with another avi. i would recommend that when you have the urge...strong sl urge to collar ....set a timer and wait another week...spend time and grow close... a week isn't too long to wait
[12:34] Mermaid Stormcrow: very good tip.
[12:34] Moni Grant (monique.basevi): i agree
[12:34] Carla (cyberspy): good with any kind of purchase actually
[12:34] Mermaid Stormcrow: Fawn, thank you for allowing me to lead the discussion for a little bit. It's all yours. Smiles warmly.
[12:35] Elisandra Foxdale: Yes, I think some overlook the delicious anticipation during that period, and the process or actually earning the collar. You only get that time once. Enjoy it for a few more weeks while you can
[12:35] Feralangel Tolsen: I think it is important to communicate an intention for play and for long term. I think that as long as that is communicated and understood then everyone is clear and doesn't feel mislead.
[12:36] Mermaid Stormcrow nods
[12:36] Mermaid Stormcrow: For me, it's an honor to be offered my sub's collar. It's not something I take lightly
[12:37] ღ Chrisa Romanov ღ (chrisa.zifer): its a wonderfully charged time and also it helps prevent so much heartache
[12:38] Mermaid Stormcrow: it goes a long way to helping, and still it can hurt on either side of the relationship if it doesn't work out.
[12:38] Elisandra Foxdale: Quick collaring often has the flavor of a conquest, while a longer process transforms the conquest to bonding and improves the chances of long term success
[12:38] ღ Chrisa Romanov ღ (chrisa.zifer): exactly!!
[12:38] Carla (cyberspy): conquest is good too
[12:38] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): hahha
[12:38] Feralangel Tolsen: Ya. that is a good way of putting it. I think that some people really get off on the conquest part and don't care much about the after you get the prize
[12:38] Moni Grant (monique.basevi): Mistress and me bounded for 1.5 years before she collared me
[12:38] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): wow moni
[12:39] Caprice (becky.koolhoven) nuzzles Moni
[12:39] Moni Grant (monique.basevi): nuzzles back
[12:39] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i still am madly deeply about my prize *silly grin
[12:39] Mermaid Stormcrow: awwww
[12:39] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): :)
[12:40] ღ Chrisa Romanov ღ (chrisa.zifer): good thing i chased after you then , huh?
[12:40] Mermaid Stormcrow: I know I've shifted the topic a little from what Fawn intended...
[12:40] Fawn Starflare: No, please, Mer. You are doing fine.
[12:41] Elisandra Foxdale: And in some cases, for example where a slave is sold or a pony is purchased, the thrill is in the lack of chance to learn about your owner. And that has it's own power and thrill.
[12:49] Mermaid Stormcrow: What I was hearing is that the fusion between Mistress and collared sub takes time, patience, and a lot of conversation.
[12:49] Feralangel Tolsen: And the right energy and compatability.
[12:50] Mermaid Stormcrow: ah, true feral. Tell us more about that feral.
[12:52] Feralangel Tolsen: I think that everyone has a style. Subs need things from a Dom that other subs do not. Dommes need things from subs that others do not. When those sets of needs and styles find each other, the result is nothing short of magic.
[12:53] Mermaid Stormcrow: what a lovely way to put it feral.
[12:53] Feralangel Tolsen: There is this romanticized version of power exchange that the storyline of about every romantic erotic story. It is complete bullshit. But, I think there is a grain of truth in that.
[12:55] Feralangel Tolsen: When people find the right mix of compatibility they can't read each other's minds. You still have to communicate, but all of that is easier.
[12:56] June Aljon: may i say something?
[12:56] Fawn Starflare: Sure, june.
[12:56] June Aljon: i have been part of this lifestyle for a long time both irl and sl
[12:56] June Aljon: of course, i have to agree with everything that has been said
[12:57] June Aljon: but i have learned some things that i think are important
[12:57] June Aljon: one, that everyone is different
[12:57] June Aljon: there are no hard and fast rules that work for everyone
[12:57] Fawn Starflare: Amen.
[12:58] June Aljon: this is a lifestyle of tolerance and acceptance
[12:58] Fawn Starflare nods
[12:58] June Aljon: what you like or what works for you may not be good for others
[12:58] Carla (cyberspy): exactly
[12:58] June Aljon: the life breaks down to one thing for me and thats trust
[12:58] June Aljon: its about building trust and remaining open to that possiblitiy
[12:58] June Aljon: and lastly, like Bob Marley said, Everyone is going to hurt you, its a matter of finding someone worth suffering for