1) What is PE and TPE? When do they apply?
2) Protective Collar
3) Training/trial/Consideration Collar
4) Full Collar
a) What is the message?
b) What are the responsibilities?
c) Ownership and knowing your place
[17:03] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so what is Power Exchange and Total Power Exchange in the lifestyle?
[17:03] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): you can throw in comments :)
[17:04] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): what does Power Exchange mean?
[17:04] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): this is when rhonda says hand contact with an outlet
[17:04] Jennifer (kayemmeee) laughs
[17:05] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): keeps the big mouth shut
[17:05] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): uses a fork
[17:05] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): Power Exchange is submission, obedience
[17:06] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): when we refer to the distinction between submissives and slaves we use terms like Formal PE or Total PE
[17:06] Carmen Mint sits quietly not to disturb
[17:06] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i want to hear from you too, Carmen!
[17:07] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i have also heard of velcro PE / collar :)
[17:07] Carmen Mint smiles, ohh you can't keep me quiet, lol
[17:07] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): haha woot
[17:07] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): velcro collar is just for sex play and is not about D/s relationship
[17:08] Jennifer (kayemmeee): I think, Tessa, that we might have arrived here at the right time.......With this being a talk on collars (among other things)....
[17:08] MissLitaJ: Well you can use anything as a collar
[17:08] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): o excellent
[17:08] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): these are what the collar represents
[17:08] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): with the submissive (Formal PE) terms discussed and written wants, needs, and expectations (ask for clarification)
[17:09] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): a submissive can ask questions
[17:10] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): with the Total PE M/s (cannot ask, just do), the Mistress writes the contract
[17:10] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): For a slave, submission is the default ... expected.
[17:10] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): hands slaves a union card
[17:10] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): as i think we are submissives here... to be clear, For the sub, submission is an on-going gift based on informed decision-making.
[17:11] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes there are submissive rights
[17:11] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): you should never be abused
[17:12] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): Miss Tina Verne shared this: A submissive make choices daily and fully takes part with what is happening in the household and communicates her thoughts and desires to her Mistress. She passes control to the dominant but retains power, A slave makes only one choice, to pass all power and control to the dominant.
[17:13] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): in all exchanges of power, Communication is essential
[17:13] Carmen Mint: rule#1 Mistress is always right,,Rule#2 if Mistress might be mistaken,, refer to rule#1
[17:14] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): ok there are several kinds of collars
[17:16] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so can someone summarise the difference between TPE and PE?
[17:16] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): or slave and sub?
[17:17] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): (puts out my cricket cages)
[17:17] Sabrina Gagliano: I'm still very new to all this... I never even heard of TPE and PE...
[17:17] Jennifer (kayemmeee): Yes - subs have choices, options, decisions to influence things. Slaves don`t.
[17:18] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): ahh well what happens when you accept a collar is to give up your control
[17:18] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): there is a power exchange
[17:20] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so now we can ask which collar....
[17:20] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): there is a "velcro" collar for sex play when you are top and bottom
[17:23] Carmen Mint: an open collar is also often used by unowned slaves to give limited access to potential owners
[17:21] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): then there is the protective collar
[17:21] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): it is an open collar, not locked
[17:21] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): what is the purpose?
[17:22] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): protect newbies from themselves so we don't rush into things "sub-frenzy"
[17:22] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): if its open how can it be protective?
[17:22] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): you can play with whomever, but you are responsible to the Domme for bigger choices
[17:22] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): this can be the case of a pet
[17:23] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): ok
[17:23] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): or like chrisa and i after we were married
[17:23] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): the status is in the profile
[17:23] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and if someone has issues, then the Domme answers it
[17:25] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): not a lot of Dommes will offer protection
[17:25] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): The next set is like an engagement period
[17:26] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): it is either a training, trial or consideration collar
[17:27] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): what is the purpose?
[17:28] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): a training collar is when a Miss agrees to train a noob :)
[17:28] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): this may lead to a full collar but it doesn't have to
[17:29] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): a trial or consideration collar means "I want to spend more time with you", more committed - not on the market
[17:30] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): these are again not locked collars, and there is a time limit
[17:30] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): trial collars are minimum 2 weeks and more like 3-4 weeks
[17:30] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): this is when you find out if you fit each other
[17:31] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): time zones, style of bdsm, friends etc
[17:31] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i would say most close relationships in here hit a wall around week 3
[17:32] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): During this time, there is more specific training - what does surrendering to them mean; get to know others in household
[17:32] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): question on those collars?
[17:32] Mermaid Stormcrow sips my tea and listens to the discusssion
[17:33] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and finally the BIG one: Full collar
[17:33] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): remember you as the submissive have a gift
[17:33] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and you are giving your collar to the Miss
[17:34] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): she will then become your Mistress
[17:34] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i like to have a ceremony for this
[17:34] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): can I askl a question?
[17:34] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes :)
[17:35] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): can you define what fully submit means i seem to be unable to understand it
[17:36] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): well for me it is to give up your will
[17:36] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): trust your Mistress
[17:35] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): Carmen?
[17:36] Carmen Mint: when I submit to a Mistress, I offer my mind, body, spirit, and soul to her care, to be devoted , honest, and loyal to her
[17:37] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): tada
[17:37] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): these ol' timers are soo good at this
[17:37] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): sounds like it means being a slave with no free will or say in anything any longer
[17:37] Carmen Mint: and a word on consensual slavery, it is not as rigid as Tessa may have made it sound
[17:37] Carmen Mint: most owners have a give and take with their slaves as well as thier subs, although Mistresses word is always the final one
[17:37] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i will put out Miss Tina's comment again: A submissive make choices daily and fully takes part with what is happening in the household and communicates her thoughts and desires to her Mistress. She passes control to the dominant but retains power, A slave makes only one choice, to pass all power and control to the dominant.
[17:38] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): each dynamic is different though
[17:39] Carmen Mint: Slaves are also allowed to state limits as subs are also
[17:39] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so it is more on a continuum then all or nothing
[17:40] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i think it's important to have a wise Mistress who caringly and carefully learns our strengths and weaknesses
[17:40] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): does that help you, rhonda?
[17:40] Sabrina Gagliano: I'm not in a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship; I like BDSM, but to me it's 'just' an important part of my sex life, not of my whóle life...
[17:41] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): ok
[17:41] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i'll address that in just a bit
[17:41] Mermaid Stormcrow nods...that's understandable
[17:43] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so what are the elements of a full collar?
[17:43] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): time - to get to know each other
[17:44] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): respect - submission is a gift, and without that gift the Domme has no purpose
[17:45] Carmen Mint: it should also be said that it is not a gift to be given lightly
[17:45] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes truly carmen
[17:45] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): trust - when one gives up power, one must trust hugely
[17:45] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and over all this is Communication
[17:46] Carmen Mint: it should be a serious matter of the utmost respect
[17:46] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): when i was in this class, i said that i thought it took faith too
[17:46] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): Faith that they care about me, my happiness matters to them
[17:47] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): that Their decisions are in my best interest
[17:47] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): that i am a treasured possession
[17:48] Carmen Mint: the mistress of your choosing should one for whom you are able to give a childlike faith in the fact that they will love and cherish you and always have your best interest in mind
[17:48] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): perfectly put
[17:48] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and on our side.... we learn
[17:48] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): Learning. We are always students - what it is that makes them happy.
[17:48] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): We watch for changes - relationships have ebbs and flows.
[17:49] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): We share our selves
[17:49] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): We are ambassadors - we represent our Mistress to the community
[17:50] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and we are the Mistress' personal assistant to make their lives easier
[17:50] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): do you have things to add about our role?
[17:50] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): thats the first thing i've heard that makes senses, tessa
[17:51] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): a sub is a reflection on her Mistress
[17:51] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): at all times
[17:52] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): So as symbols of our collaring we usually use a visual collar or ring
[17:52] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): some use tattoos too
[17:52] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): my Mistress gave me a tattoo like a few months into our relationship
[17:52] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i have Her name on my butt :)
[17:52] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): some Mistresses wear a necklace
[17:53] Mermaid Stormcrow: I have a necklace in RL
[17:53] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): awww
[17:53] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): lovely
[17:53] Mermaid Stormcrow: symbolizing our relationship
[17:53] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): beams
[17:53] Mermaid Stormcrow: and gwen has three silver strands she has woven into her hair at special events
[17:53] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): as does slut wear a necklace as a symbol of my collar in RL
[17:53] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so that brings us to the "Lifelong commitment" part of the discussion
[17:53] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): how does that translate in SL?
[17:54] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): it can just be 'a game'
[17:54] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): or it can be an experimental way that leads into RL bdsm
[17:55] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): or it can parallel, i know couples who met here and then met in RL
[17:55] Mermaid Stormcrow: very true
[17:56] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i personally have expanded my toys with my experience in here
[17:56] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): hehe
[17:56] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): hee hee
[17:56] Carmen Mint giggles
[17:56] Mermaid Stormcrow grins
[17:57] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so that's all i have to say
[17:58] Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): rolls an apple to the teacher
[17:58] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): thanks rhonda
[17:58] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and thanks for coming
Sample ceremony: with a witness
Sub: "I offer this leash to you to guide me and lead me along my journey though life. It is my desire to belong to you and to follow you where ever you choose to take me."
Miss: "I accept this leash as a symbol of the offering of yourself and give my promise to carefully guide you and lead you safely in my footsteps. You will belong to me from this day on and I will do all within my power to protect you as you join me on my journey."
Mistress: I am your owner your mistress I am your partner your mentor your protector your lover your care giver
Submissive: I am your slave, your partner, your ambassador, your servant, your lover, your care taker; you're both the embodiment of my desires and needs in love of life and family to meet my needs and desires.
Mistress: I gladly receive your collar.
OR/ AND
Sub: "I offer this leash to you to guide me and lead me along my journey though life. It is my desire to belong to you and to follow you where ever you choose to take me."
At this time the dominant takes the leash from the submissive and states his/her acceptance of the submissive's offer of themselves with such words as:
"I accept this leash as a symbol of the offering of yourself and give my promise to carefully guide you and lead you safely in my footsteps. You will belong to me from this day on and I will do all within my power to protect you as you join me on my journey."
The dominant then asks the submissive to kneel before them and takes the collar to place it around their neck.
"Will you kneel at my feet and take this symbol of my ownership to wear as a sign to us and those we meet on our journey?"
The submissive then kneels, head held straight but eyes looking to the floor. This will be the last time she/he is "asked" to kneel.
"I kneel as a sign of my submission to you and acceptance of the symbol of your ownership. I will wear it proudly for all of my days, Miss."
The dominant then places the collar around the submissive's neck and fastens it securely.
"You now belong to me." (spoken by the dominant)
"I now belong to you, Mistress." (or Mistress---spoken by the submissive. This is the first time the dominant has been called Mistress and is a very moving moment in the ceremony.)
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