Submissive Training June 2015
Week 1: Introduction
1) Welcome to Cellar, Sim Rules, Purpose of submissive class
2) Self Exploration
a) Core values and alignment
b) Personal likes/dislikes/fears/limits
c) Communication with self and others
3) What is a submissive/slave heart? What is a submissive/slave?
a) Common misconceptions
b) Truth of service NOT stereotype
4) The other
a) Safety
b) Getting to know You
[2015/06/10 17:06] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so i did this course when i started as a sub and it gave me a lot of confidence
[2015/06/10 17:06] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): to know what to expect and ask
[2015/06/10 17:06] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so feel free to ask questions, but i will go somewhat quickly
[2015/06/10 17:07] [Club The Cellar] Carmen Mint: :))
[2015/06/10 17:07] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): We first look at ourselves
[2015/06/10 17:07] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so that we can know with whom we align
[2015/06/10 17:07] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so what are your core values as a sub?
[2015/06/10 17:08] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): the D/s stool rests on 3 legs (some argue, 4):
[2015/06/10 17:08] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): what are these?
[2015/06/10 17:09] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): subbies you can just speak out
[2015/06/10 17:09] Carmen Mint: well what exactly does core values mean?
[2015/06/10 17:10] Mermaid Stormcrow: good question
[2015/06/10 17:10] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i'll give the legs of stool and it will give you idea: communication, respect, trust
[2015/06/10 17:10] Roxy Doll (roxyd0ll): Safe, sane and consent
[2015/06/10 17:11] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i like humour
[2015/06/10 17:11] Mermaid Stormcrow: some like brattiness, winks
[2015/06/10 17:11] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): eeep
[2015/06/10 17:12] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): my kitten is lagging but i do hope she shares with the group
[2015/06/10 17:12] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): ok :)
[2015/06/10 17:12] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): she taught me a lesson when we first met
[2015/06/10 17:12] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): what was that?
[2015/06/10 17:13] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): that she will never need a collar or a leash to show her dedication was one of the first statements she made to me
[2015/06/10 17:13] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov) nods
[2015/06/10 17:13] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so integrity it sounds like
[2015/06/10 17:14] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): the important thing is to have comparable values with your Miss
[2015/06/10 17:14] Mermaid Stormcrow nods in agreement, very important
[2015/06/10 17:15] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): if my Misses didn't have a sense of humour, i would not enjoy my relationship
[2015/06/10 17:16] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): so not dry as a chip
[2015/06/10 17:17] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): some of us go into a relationship as long term, others not so much
[2015/06/10 17:17] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): it needs to be clear
[2015/06/10 17:17] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): the other area is that we know our own likes dislikes fears and limits
[2015/06/10 17:18] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i have a huge list and a short list, which would you rather :) ?
[2015/06/10 17:18] Ana Topaz (anathae.bogart): huge
[2015/06/10 17:18] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower) does not like getting locked up and left for long times
[2015/06/10 17:19] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower): medium list :P
[2015/06/10 17:19] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes, often we put that in our profiles up front
[2015/06/10 17:19] Carmen Mint: for me personally, I prefer long relationships and I'm all about control, I like being leashed and controlled, the pain and bondage stuff not so much for me it's all a mental state of mind
[2015/06/10 17:20] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): crap, only finding the long one now
[2015/06/10 17:20] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): very nice distinction carmen
[2015/06/10 17:20] Ana Topaz (anathae.bogart): I stole the short list
[2015/06/10 17:20] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): oooo ana will hand out the short one :)
[2015/06/10 17:20] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower) agrees i need control and leashed is good i just don't do so well on my own ...i start talking to myself ..and god i can go on
[2015/06/10 17:20] Ana Topaz (anathae.bogart): burned it
[2015/06/10 17:20] Carmen Mint giggles
[2015/06/10 17:21] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): the long one is in the box
[2015/06/10 17:21] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): for some spirituality is important
[2015/06/10 17:21] Toy North (toy.firelight): we have to remember we are all different. you can't compare one submissive to another or one Mistress to another we all have different likes and dislikes
[2015/06/10 17:21] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and i think we had a discussion last year about that
[2015/06/10 17:22] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): correct toy, we are just saying it is important to know your own
[2015/06/10 17:22] Toy North (toy.firelight): mews
[2015/06/10 17:22] Toy North (toy.firelight): agrees
[2015/06/10 17:22] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so we try to find a Miss with whom we are on the same wavelength
[2015/06/10 17:23] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): but there are doubting times too,
[2015/06/10 17:23] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): that is when we recognise changes and growth happens
[2015/06/10 17:23] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): some relationships can withstand that ebb and flow
[2015/06/10 17:23] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): others see it as a time to separate
[2015/06/10 17:24] Carmen Mint: there's always a honeymoon phase, it's after that you really see if you right for each other
[2015/06/10 17:24] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes, very true carmen
[2015/06/10 17:24] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): yes carmen, thats so true
[2015/06/10 17:25] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): in RL the honeymoon phase last 3-6 months
[2015/06/10 17:25] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): if we convert that into SL time....divide by 7
[2015/06/10 17:25] Carmen Mint: lol
[2015/06/10 17:25] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): hehe
[2015/06/10 17:25] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower): hehe
[2015/06/10 17:25] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): So what is a submissive heart?
[2015/06/10 17:26] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): submission is a gift
[2015/06/10 17:27] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so you've probably heard that the Sub holds the power
[2015/06/10 17:27] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): smiles
[2015/06/10 17:27] Toy North (toy.firelight): in a way
[2015/06/10 17:27] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower) nods submission is given not taken
[2015/06/10 17:27] Toy North (toy.firelight): the powers is with both
[2015/06/10 17:27] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): in a sense, but with humility and submission...
[2015/06/10 17:27] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): that is the most true statement
[2015/06/10 17:27] Carmen Mint: actually oddly enough the bible goes extensively into the meaning of a submissive heart
[2015/06/10 17:28] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): we give up that power, and put our hopes and dreams in the hands of another
[2015/06/10 17:28] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes, there is overlap with faith in D/s
[2015/06/10 17:28] Carmen Mint: to have a submissive heart is to want to serve faithfully, yo have a childlike faith in your owner and to be pleasing in all fashions
[2015/06/10 17:29] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): in Islam submission to God is the word 'struggle'
[2015/06/10 17:29] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so some days we can feel less like submitting
[2015/06/10 17:30] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): what is submission NOT
[2015/06/10 17:31] Carmen Mint: a doormat or a emotional whipping post
[2015/06/10 17:31] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yay!
[2015/06/10 17:31] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower): forced slavery ....oh and grapefruit ..it is not graperuit (always have a backup answer)
[2015/06/10 17:31] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): correct in one
[2015/06/10 17:31] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): taking what is not yours
[2015/06/10 17:31] Roxy Doll (roxyd0ll): It's sometimes not easy
[2015/06/10 17:31] Toy North (toy.firelight): a blank check to do what you like
[2015/06/10 17:32] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): awesome answers
[2015/06/10 17:32] Ana Topaz (anathae.bogart): I look at it as more symbiotic, neither is complete without the other
[2015/06/10 17:32] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): it certainly can become that
[2015/06/10 17:33] Carmen Mint: yes, subs need dommes as much as dommes need subs
[2015/06/10 17:33] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): healthier, wholer people make better relationships
[2015/06/10 17:33] Toy North (toy.firelight): we feed of the other
[2015/06/10 17:34] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and in the end the submissive heart doesn't want to be in charge of the relationship
[2015/06/10 17:34] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): our focus ...goal/ touchdown... is being focused on our domme
[2015/06/10 17:35] Carmen Mint: no topping from the bottom ;)
[2015/06/10 17:35] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes
[2015/06/10 17:35] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): tho in the bedroom, sometimes a bottom may be asked to play the top
[2015/06/10 17:36] Mermaid Stormcrow: very true!
[2015/06/10 17:36] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): but then it's clear communication about that
[2015/06/10 17:36] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): how all this happens is completely unique in each dynamic
[2015/06/10 17:36] Toy North (toy.firelight): some may not like even then being the top
[2015/06/10 17:36] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower) just can't do that, has tried lol
[2015/06/10 17:36] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): aww, pats the pony
[2015/06/10 17:37] Carmen Mint: private play and public behavior can be very different
[2015/06/10 17:37] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes, i plan on doing about 5 more of these and we will look at how we represent our Domme and family in public
[2015/06/10 17:38] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so what skills are required for a sub?
[2015/06/10 17:38] Carmen Mint: a strong tongue?
[2015/06/10 17:38] Carmen Mint: hihi, sorry couldn't help myself
[2015/06/10 17:38] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov) shakes my head :)
[2015/06/10 17:38] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): good one
[2015/06/10 17:38] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower): lol
[2015/06/10 17:38] Jessip Wylder (jessip): patience
[2015/06/10 17:39] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): patience and insight
[2015/06/10 17:39] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes on both sides patience
[2015/06/10 17:39] Jessip Wylder (jessip): restraint
[2015/06/10 17:39] Roxy Doll (roxyd0ll): Obedience
[2015/06/10 17:39] Carmen Mint: loyalty and discretion
[2015/06/10 17:39] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): active listening
[2015/06/10 17:40] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): we clarify what we've heard
[2015/06/10 17:40] MissSasha Topaz: ability to communicate
[2015/06/10 17:40] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes
[2015/06/10 17:40] MissSasha Topaz: and trust
[2015/06/10 17:40] Roxy Doll (roxyd0ll): knowing when to ask a question and knowing when to zip it. That is truly a very good skill
[2015/06/10 17:40] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): are you speaking from personal experience, roxy :)
[2015/06/10 17:40] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower) ponder the meaning of zip it ..checks her zip and looks confused
[2015/06/10 17:40] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov) smiles
[2015/06/10 17:41] Carmen Mint giggles knowing i still need to learn that one
[2015/06/10 17:41] Roxy Doll (roxyd0ll): Well..
[2015/06/10 17:41] Roxy Doll (roxyd0ll) grins
[2015/06/10 17:41] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): haha
[2015/06/10 17:41] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i think i willingness to learn is critical
[2015/06/10 17:41] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): when i went into my relationship with Miss San, i never thought i would want to try breath control
[2015/06/10 17:42] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): but i completely trust her, so i was able to go there
[2015/06/10 17:42] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i want to learn everything :)
[2015/06/10 17:42] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): what's that expression about ignorance and stupidity?
[2015/06/10 17:43] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): well ignorance is curable, but stupidity is permanent
[2015/06/10 17:43] Carmen Mint: hihi,, like fat and ugly ;)
[2015/06/10 17:43] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): eek
[2015/06/10 17:43] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so ask questions of others
[2015/06/10 17:45] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): the lifestyle does make us look at ourselves critically
[2015/06/10 17:45] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): what are our demons?
[2015/06/10 17:46] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so all this takes time before finding a domme, much less in the relationship
[2015/06/10 17:46] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): take time to get to know each other
[2015/06/10 17:46] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): find out what your schedules are, throughout the year
[2015/06/10 17:47] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): the relationship takes as much work if not more than the selection phase
[2015/06/10 17:47] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): trust can only be earned if we spend time with each other
[2015/06/10 17:47] Trish (gaga.gaboian) nods
[2015/06/10 17:48] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): trust is not earned, it grows with the relationship
[2015/06/10 17:48] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes and it takes time
[2015/06/10 17:49] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): for your mind, body, soul -
[2015/06/10 17:48] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so in the last few minutes, i want to talk about safety
[2015/06/10 17:49] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): we have notecards on safety
[2015/06/10 17:50] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): we do not promote fast and furious sex here at the Cellar
[2015/06/10 17:50] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): hands out safety glasses, hard hats and WHMIS booklets
[2015/06/10 17:50] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): ahh thank you gwen
[2015/06/10 17:50] Carmen Mint giggles
[2015/06/10 17:50] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): grins
[2015/06/10 17:50] Trish (gaga.gaboian) giggles
[2015/06/10 17:51] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): we can point you to the places where you can get laid by man, woman or child
[2015/06/10 17:51] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i just don't recommend it as a way to go
[2015/06/10 17:51] Carmen Mint: and never forget the big red X in the corner
[2015/06/10 17:51] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes
[2015/06/10 17:51] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): take your time
[2015/06/10 17:51] Trish (gaga.gaboian) smiles
[2015/06/10 17:52] Ana Topaz (anathae.bogart): child is against TOS
[2015/06/10 17:52] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes, an adult avie acting like a child
[2015/06/10 17:52] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): very true ana
[2015/06/10 17:52] Carmen Mint: yes but it happens and we all know it
[2015/06/10 17:52] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower): meh i can't even do general bdsm play with strangers, i prefer more than a hello first lol so that doesn't interest me
[2015/06/10 17:53] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): well i would hope we are of that vein aimee
[2015/06/10 17:53] Trish (gaga.gaboian) nods
[2015/06/10 17:53] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i do know that i sat here for a few months, making monumental mistakes in relationships :)
[2015/06/10 17:53] Trish (gaga.gaboian): How can girl give trust to someone unknown
[2015/06/10 17:53] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): well we can't
[2015/06/10 17:54] Carmen Mint: and we shouldn't
[2015/06/10 17:54] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower) tends to sit and watch the room dynamic anywhere she goes ..oh and speak in the third person emote a lot lol .... only when I feel comfy do i generally get chatty
[2015/06/10 17:55] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): observe and learn
[2015/06/10 17:55] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): ok
[2015/06/10 17:55] Trish (gaga.gaboian): This girl almost can't break from third person, It is ingrained pretty deep
[2015/06/10 17:55] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): more on the safe, sane, consensual next week
[2015/06/10 17:55] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): yes, we come from different backgrounds on some things
[2015/06/10 17:56] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): like kneels and emotes
[2015/06/10 17:56] Gwendolyn Stormcrow (gwendolyn.sweetwater): do we have to be sane next week? i was planning on washing my brain
[2015/06/10 17:56] αιмèє мσσηßεαмღ (skippyflower) thinks she shall skip the sane bit ...does not apply hehe
[2015/06/10 17:56] ღ Cindee ღ (cindeenorth): tessa, ty for your time .. and all the effort you put into todays meeting
[2015/06/10 17:56] ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): thank you Miss
[2015/06/10 17:56] Carmen Mint: yes , well done Tessa :))
[2015/06/10 17:56] Carmen Mint claps
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