New Submissive Training week 2

[17:04]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): this is the agenda: Week 2: Safety and relationship building
 1) Safety in communication (what not to share)
 2) Red flags; Are they who they say they are?
 3) SSC, RACK and Safe words
 4) Relationship building
    a) Progress using Communication and Time
    b) Building a Foundation of Trust and Honor
    c) Behaviors of an adult in an adult relationship


[17:05]  Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): gets coffee
[17:05]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): what are the situations and items that we don't share with others?
[17:07]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): well, RL identifying info shouldn't be shared until we know a person for a while
[17:08]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i personally am rather against sharing photos... but that's a personal thing
[17:08]  Mermaid Stormcrow nods
[17:08]  Mermaid Stormcrow: never really sure if the photo I might get is really the person anyway.
[17:08]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): ahh right
[17:09]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): anyone have a position on voicing?
[17:09]  Astrid Lednev: I guess that depends on how SL only you're keeping your relationship. I mean, with webcam conferencing etc etc.
[17:10]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): right, some folks like the full disclosure, and statistically it is rare that someone would show up at your door
[17:10]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): tho it has happened, it happened to my chrisa
[17:11]  Astrid Lednev: In general a picture, or even voice or video shouldn't pose as much real risk to you as say giving out information as to your identity or location.
[17:11]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): there is the risk of being 'outed' by someone in here
[17:12]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): well, not to scare you, but i can probably find out who you are from your picture
[17:12]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): if it is a picture of you
[17:12]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): of course if it's a body part....
[17:13]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i would just say if someone asks you for pictures, and you aren't in that kind of relationship, steer clear
[17:13]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): we have a notecard of Red Flags in relationships
[17:14]  Astrid Lednev: That sounds like good advice. Requests for pictures out of the blue is obviously something else.
[17:15]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): some Dommes might ask for pictures early on... of private parts, if i may be blunt
[17:15]  Mermaid Stormcrow: oh my goodness!
[17:15]  Mermaid Stormcrow: blinks
[17:15]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i would be wary
[17:16]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): Is the person who they say they are?
[17:16]  Astrid Lednev: Have a public domain picture of someone else's elbow ready at all times
[17:16]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): hahah
[17:16]  Mermaid Stormcrow laughs
[17:16]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i have one of a kitty between someone's legs
[17:16]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): it's called My Pussy
[17:17]  Mermaid Stormcrow: laughs
[17:17]  Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): giggles
[17:17]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): ok, so we are wary of fast collaring
[17:17]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): the type of Miss who is a 'collector'
[17:17]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): we look at how they treat the people around them
[17:18]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): we like a Miss who is both talkative, but also a listener
[17:18]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and we would like to steer clear of sexual predators here at the Cellar
[17:18]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): if someone wants that, we send them elsewhere
[17:19]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): predators generally say, "let's find a dungeon" about two minutes after they've met you
[17:19]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): or "Shut up, or I'll make you"
[17:19]  Mermaid Stormcrow: ah
[17:19]  Astrid Lednev: Collaring is one of those troublesome things though. Because it doesn't necessarily carry the same meaning or weight to everyone. So wear a collar if it's fun to play with if you want, it's more that you should be careful of someone who wants to place a significant amount of restriction on you, without you two even knowing each other well at all.
[17:21]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i think next week we talk about different types of collars
[17:22]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i was meaning a full collar, with significant Power Exchange
[17:22]  Astrid Lednev: I'm gonna stop rocking the boat and listen for a little while. *smiles*
[17:22]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): you're not rocking the boat!
[17:22]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i love conversation
[17:23]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): my point is moreso... it is Easy to be blinded by love. so be safe.
[17:23]  Mermaid Stormcrow: or lust! grins
[17:23]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and it's questionable if it is love... yes :)
[17:24]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): as in RL there are all kinds of personalities and ... characters
[17:25]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): it takes time to figure out if a person is going to act jealously, be enraged at you
[17:25]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): stalk you
[17:25]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): SL does seem to attract an unusual percentage of those with mental illness
[17:26]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and it can be a place of therapy, but hopefully not at your expense
[17:26]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i would encourage you to get your Miss' email address, the kosher one
[17:27]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and realise that trust in here is different than trust in the physical world ... we might know know a person's gender in here
[17:27]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): or age
[17:27]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and we are usually ok with that, but if you aren't ...
[17:28]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): then it should be a topic of discussion
[17:28]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): another key topic is safe words
[17:28]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i know many subbie who don't have one, or say they will never use one
[17:29]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i think it's a good habit to have one... sort of like part of subbie initiation steps
[17:29]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and if you cross over into RL D/s you must have one
[17:30]  Astrid Lednev: I find it irresponsible to not have one period.
[17:30]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): you may want to know if the Miss drinks a lot
[17:30]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): you may not be physically hurt, but if someone is drunk while you're in a scene with them, they might more unwittingly hurt you psychologically
[17:31]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): the word is to help with that
[17:31]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): thoughts?
[17:31]  Mermaid Stormcrow nods in agreement
[17:32]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and of course we can always X out
[17:33]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): Also early on in the relationship we talk about our kinks
[17:33]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): hence the checklist
[17:33]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): any questions about the difference between Safe, Sane, and Consensual
[17:34]  Mermaid Stormcrow: I think SSC could be a whole conversation on its own.
[17:34]  Mermaid Stormcrow: smiles
[17:34]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and Risk ... something... Consensual Kink
[17:34]  Astrid Lednev: I really wish I could actually stay for all of this but I have an early start tomorrow.
[17:34]  Mermaid Stormcrow: take care astrid
[17:34]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): ninite
[17:35]  Rhonda.Lebed (birhonda): nini Astrid
[17:35]  Astrid Lednev: Have a fun, productive discussion. :)
[17:35]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): so... sometimes we don't get the cues that make our intuition trigger when we're online
[17:35]  Mermaid Stormcrow nods
[17:36]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): Establish conflict resolution approaches early on in the relationship
[17:36]  Mermaid Stormcrow: and throughout! Thinks of my red hair girl
[17:36]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): And don't do the passive aggressive manipulation
[17:37]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): that's basically what i was going to say about relationship buliding
[17:37]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): and since we're down to just us, i think i'll call it quits now
[17:37]  Mermaid Stormcrow: tessa, thank you!
[17:37]  Mermaid Stormcrow: so much of what you covered are important topics
[17:38]   ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): have a nice evening and thanks for coming