Thursday, October 22, 2015

Family ala becky Highness 7 Oct 2015

[11:58] Jenna (noamuthquortek): Safe to assume it's open to the public?
[11:59] sadiziah: twirls my hair round my finger
[11:59] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): oh yes
[11:59] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): if you think they can handle it
[12:00] Jenna (noamuthquortek): I know how to safeword if it's too much for me.l
[12:02] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): welcome everyone to the 124th discussion entitled, Becky
[12:02] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): nice to have you here in so big numbers
[12:04] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): first topic is panties and how some love to fill them.... nah! seriously....
[12:04] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): the topic today will be, family, but more how to make it grow

[12:04] San Mauvaise: hahahaha
[12:04]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov) grins
[12:04] San Mauvaise: groan?
[12:04] San Mauvaise: um is this sex 101?
[12:04] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): welsh accent, sorry everyone
[12:05] San Mauvaise winks at becky
[12:05]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): birds and bees?
[12:05] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): some traps exists when trying to have a D/s family grow
[12:05] San Mauvaise: but a good topic!
[12:05] San Mauvaise listens
[12:06] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): since its in the nature of the submissive to please her domme, its often very hard for her to express that the expansion is making her unhappy
[12:06] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): at times, she may feel excluded, she may feel she doesn't belong
[12:06] San Mauvaise: yes
[12:06] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): she may even have problems redefining her role in the new dynamic
[12:06] Jenna (noamuthquortek) nods
[12:07] San Mauvaise: yes indeed comsultation and communication must be key in this
[12:07] San Mauvaise: but even when it works it is tricky
[12:07] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): Its why, the first thing to do when wanting your family to grow, is build a solid base, as San said, communication, establish a channel that your sub can use and listen instead of judging
[12:08] Agito (agitobell): i only have one sis with mistress
[12:08] San Mauvaise: nods
[12:08] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): how is it going with your sister agito?
[12:08] San Mauvaise wonders if she should gag her girl to encourage a channel of communication
[12:08]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): o0
[12:08] Agito (agitobell): we go by who is whith her longer so i am sub to both of them
[12:09] San Mauvaise listens
[12:09] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): nice, so, I can assume, you are building a relation with both of them?
[12:09] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): and San, you surely meant a funnel of communications ;p
[12:09] Agito (agitobell): yes mistress comes first always but when she is not here i answer to sis
[12:10]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): as it should be :)
[12:10] San Mauvaise: does that work well agito?
[12:10] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): good, this is a big part in the success of a growing family
[12:10]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): welcome Teann!
[12:10] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): welcome Teann :)
[12:10] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter) nods to all and smiles
[12:11]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i think how your family came to be is a nice story Highness
[12:11] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): A family, in the D/s sense, and prolly in all senses, should be seen as a team, its weakest link being the measure of their strength
[12:11] San Mauvaise: nods
[12:11] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): the biggest family I have seen was 9 subs
[12:11] Agito (agitobell): i am also the much kinkery of us, sis likes softer play, i like painful, so i get that side, sis gets the other, so we arent fighting over it
[12:12] San Mauvaise: nods
[12:12] San Mauvaise: 9! how exhausting!
[12:12] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter) nods
[12:12] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): it all crumbled eventually, just as agito said, because they all fought for attention, even one of the girls once told me she was exhausted because she just wanted to be the last in line to relax and the others saw in it a plot to get more attention
[12:13] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter): I think any group so large is going to be difficult to keep together, kinky or not.
[12:13] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): families are a unit, and the thing that makes any relation strong is the will for everyone in it to give to the others
[12:13] San Mauvaise: yes i AGREE
[12:13] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter): But there will always be tensions in any family group, that only get smoothed out with application of sufficient time and attention. And room to breathe I guess.
[12:13] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): indeed Teann
[12:14] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): room to breath Teann, and also, care in between every member
[12:14] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): I once had a sister, Joie *smiles at Mewstress San*
[12:14] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): we formed such a tight unit
[12:15] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): we spent our time together, found ways to please our domme so that she wouldn't have to worry
[12:15] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): that closeness had many advantages
[12:15] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): one being that we loved each other so much, we where able to go to the domme and tell her that our sister needed a bit more time
[12:16] San Mauvaise listens
[12:16] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): we would step aside and be happy in the joy we gave the other
[12:16] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): You might have missed that part, but I was talking about Joie
[12:16] San Mauvaise: ah joie!
[12:16]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): hehe joie brings joy
[12:16] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): grins
[12:17] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): a third girl was brought in the mix
[12:17] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): she was very sexual and our domme needed it
[12:17] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): but she never cared that that girl got any sort of relation with us
[12:17] San Mauvaise raises an eyebrow
[12:17] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): it broke up everything
[12:18] San Mauvaise: nods
[12:18] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): Joie left SL, Vixen, the domme, did also, after trying to repari and bring back Joie for months
[12:18] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter): Mmm, it always seems like these things are stable only when in balance. It doesn't take much to upset things, although the stronger it is to begin with the more imbalance it can withstand.
[12:19] sadiziah: at least kitten likes me
[12:19] San Mauvaise: it does really depend on how much the Domme wants a genuine relationship with the subs and how much they are simply needy/greedy
[12:19]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov) nods
[12:19] Jenna (noamuthquortek): A story I've heard multiple times in various different dynamics.
[12:20] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): I agree Teann, and also, what San said *winks* dommes are humans, some more than others... and we all love the new car smell
[12:20] San Mauvaise thinks about seat belts, petrol caps and new subs
[12:20] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): what makes the difference, is how the domme is realy strong and will give back her girl/s for the gift they bring her
[12:20] Agito (agitobell): new pussy is more like it
[12:20] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): giggles
[12:21]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): meep
[12:21] sadiziah: i think about flat tyre on M1
[12:21] Lex Berchot: well everyone knows a good domme has to be testridden
[12:21] Lex Berchot: sadizah .. ouch.
[12:21] San Mauvaise: what like VWs?
[12:21] Lex Berchot: sodding m1
[12:21] Lex Berchot: yes much like VWs .. they need to be tweaked a bit Miss San .. to give better output ;)
[12:21] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): I always simply look at it that way, both are important in any relation... what would be a domme without subs? a seller without buyers?
[12:21] Agito (agitobell): and ridden and ridden till sub can't walk
[12:22] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter) laughs
[12:22] sadiziah: i like a miss like a VW
[12:22] San Mauvaise: sighs, yes the second hand sub market is not what it used to be!
[12:22] sadiziah: very wicked obviously
[12:22] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): pppffffttttt
[12:22] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): some have still a very goodl leather condition!
[12:23] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): any questions on mechanics?
[12:23] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): giggles
[12:23] Lex Berchot: no, I think I am threading on thin ice already ;)
[12:23] sadiziah: yes is inserting foam better than wearing a spare tyre
[12:23]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): o0
[12:23] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): if you are on a boat, yes Sadie ;0
[12:24] San Mauvaise: but back to families....
[12:24] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): indeed :)
[12:24] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): where was I?
[12:24] San Mauvaise: ....of cars?
[12:24] San Mauvaise shuts it for a bit
[12:24] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): family cars?
[12:24] sadiziah: michelin man is stuck in my head now
[12:25] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter): San's right though - a lot of it comes down to the domme. They set the tone in a family unit; they can wrangle their subs into line, or they can let them fracture apart.
[12:25] San Mauvaise: I think it helps if the subs have different roles/styles in a family
[12:25] San Mauvaise: not competing for the same treatment
[12:25] Agito (agitobell): like mine
[12:26] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): indeed, different roles, well defined areas, also, some basic rules of behavior, and they all fall to the domme to make sure they are in application
[12:27] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): often in SL, we forget simple things, the IM is a nuisance for communications
[12:27] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): someone can spend the evening at 5 meters and you will hear nothing
[12:27] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): I had a domme who used an old chinese trick
[12:27] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): common denounciation
[12:27]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): o0
[12:27] San Mauvaise looks worried
[12:27] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): when in family time, no IM at all
[12:28] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): we where to talk in public
[12:28]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): good idea
[12:28] Jenna (noamuthquortek): I like that
[12:28] Lex Berchot: I know some sims who actually employ that rule as well.
[12:28] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): if your domme will let anyone enter your home, not talk at all in public and spend hours, its time to raise the question
[12:29] San Mauvaise: er... exactly *which* question, becky?
[12:29] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): I think its a good rule Lexi, and I hope someday we can have areas where IMs are forbidden
[12:30] San Mauvaise: a tiny bit difficult to enforce, of course
[12:30]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): i think we encourage local here
[12:30] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): well, have a talk with your domme about basic respect from people visiting
[12:30] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter): It's not about enforcement, really, so much as setting the tone. Establishing that the default should be open communication.
[12:30] San Mauvaise: nods
[12:30]  ღ Ţєşşa Romanov ღ (tessaromanov): forgive me, i have to go
[12:31] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): my question would be a bit harsh, but I'd ask if she'd think its acceptable for any of my friends to come home and ignore her?
[12:32] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): I firmly believe that respect and care, honesty, they all lead to trust and blind obedience
[12:33] San Mauvaise: yes love and trust form the strongest restraints!
[12:33] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): I see a situation where your domme estimates that the fact the others respect you or not is of no importance as a sign we might be crossing into abuse
[12:33] Fawn Starflare is offline.
[12:34] Jenna (noamuthquortek) nods
[12:34] San Mauvaise: (assuming there is not some planned complex RP, but alsmost always correct
[12:34] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): as much as a sub should do all she can to refelct positively on her domme, the domme should also make sure her sub is in a situation where she can grow sanely
[12:35] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): ((indeed, RP being not included in this))
[12:35] San Mauvaise: nods
[12:35] San Mauvaise gets up quietly not to disturb, waves at everybody and creeps out
[12:36] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): well, I think its the end of my improvised lecture :)
[12:36] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): any questions?
[12:37] Jenna (noamuthquortek): No questions, just a comment.
[12:37] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): yay!
[12:37] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): comments, scotch, beer!
[12:37] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter): Again one of those tone-setting things; establishing respect amongst the group is something the domme can and should do.
[12:38] Teann Daorsa (kinkedwriter): It's not up to the subs to take the lead, but they do have to choose to follow that lead and show respect for each other as much as for their domme.
[12:38] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): I'd say should enforce, because, I feel that its a group thing, and subs can help the domme a lot in voicing their concerns and how they see life together
[12:38] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): indeed Teann
[12:39] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): the" perfect" would be one where everyone is happy, no matter who is on at that moment
[12:39] sadiziah: as ever compatibility is the key here in sl we must on both sides tick enough boxes to be happy
[12:40] Jenna (noamuthquortek): I think it's worth mentioning that adding another Dominant to the dynamic can just as easily disrupt the balance and the sub/s should approach that just as they would another submissive being potentially introduced into the family. Again, something that was preached to me early on and seems to have been a large point in your lecture, communication can make or break anything regardless of it's perceived strength.
[12:41] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): indeed, and that falls under the dome's responsibilities, if the family doesn't mesh with an outsider, move to the next one, not try and try, and try again, then it only leads to a diminuation of the respect the domme receives.
[12:41] sadiziah thinks my box ticking plan is too simplistic for the esteemed company
[12:42] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): not to me Sadie
[12:42] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): it makes perfect sense
[12:42] Jenna (noamuthquortek): K.I.S.S., Keep It Simple Stupid... what box ticking plan if I may ask?
[12:43] sadiziah: mm if you cant tick most boxes don't go there
[12:43] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): or at lest a maximum of similar boxes
[12:43] sadiziah: well if compassion was a box
[12:43] sadiziah: if strictness was a box if loyalty was and so on
[12:43] sadiziah: there's 12 boxes for me
[12:44] sadiziah: if i can't tick 9 its not worth trying
[12:44] Becky S. Rexie (becky.koolhoven): and about what you said Jenna, if many times the sub goes to her domme to share concerns and she is always sent back frustrated with the answer... trust will quickly fall and make the dommes role way harder

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