Saturday, March 22, 2014

Discussion - Hitchhiker's Guide to D/s 18/3/2014

 Discussion Session 18/3/2014
[14:10]  Mermaid Stormcrow: Mouse!
[14:11]  Kara Draconis (karalieva): welcome back, Mouse
[14:11]  chrisa (chrisa.zifer): hooray...hiya mouse
[14:11]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): Welcome Back  !!!!!
[14:11]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): hello everyone
[14:11]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): im still on my mobile but ill try and get this started
[14:12]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): I feel guilty for not being able to be on my pc earlier
[14:12]  Mermaid Stormcrow: you're here now, mouse...
[14:12]  Mermaid Stormcrow: that's what matters. ;)
[14:12]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): so without further ado
[14:13]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): please welcome to
[14:13]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): The Hitchhikers' Guide to D/s
[14:14]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): and like the book, let's start with....
[14:14]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): Don't Panic.
[14:15]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): D/s is an exciting, explorative life style.
[14:20]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): in it one is able to explore ones kinks and dispositions in a controlled (relatively) environment
[14:21]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): here we will cover three branches
[14:21]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): or we'll try to
[14:22]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): first... So what is this D/s thing anyway?
[14:22]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): Second... How to succeed in finding a Mistress (without really trying)
[14:22]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): ooo
[14:23]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): harpoons
[14:23]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): The harder you try, the less chance of success is my experience
[14:23]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): Third... Released! How to cope with a breakup

[14:23]  Mermaid Stormcrow: this sounds wonderful mouse
[14:24]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): So... What *is* D/s?
[14:24]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): domination /submissive
[14:25]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): power exchange
[14:25]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): the definition I can offer is... a set of activities, whether sexual or no, that involve the exchanging of power between two consenting people.
[14:26]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov) nods
[14:26]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl) is Offline
[14:26]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): Uh oh, crashed mouse.
[14:26]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): eeeps
[14:26]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl) is Online
[14:26]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): :(
[14:26]  Mermaid Stormcrow: Thank you everyone for your patience
[14:27]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): Welcome back Saphy.
[14:27]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): welcome back Mouse.
[14:29]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): so the catch word she used was consenting, yes??
[14:31]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): back for good now
[14:31]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): phew
[14:32]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): so... i have just said that D/s is a kind of relationship that involves power exchange in a sexual or non sexual context between two participants
[14:33]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): the power grabber, let's call it so for the lack of a better term, is the person who is dominant in the relationship, while the power giver is the submissive
[14:34]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): we know this, but it is good to remember this, some of us forget!
[14:35]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): but most importantly, D/s allows the exploration of the "outer boundaries" of the participants' sexuality. Whether one likes to be bound, regularly auctioned off, being made to eat from a pet bowl, or be tied to a rack for the use of whoever happens to pop by...
[14:36]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): these "outer boundaries", the personal kinks each and every one of us has, can be safely explored within the context of D/s. Why is this so? what is it that makes this exploration attractive?
[14:37]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): what makes you tick?
[14:37]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): these are the question that D/s asks, and the explorations strive to anser them.
[14:38]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): Now for a bit of dscussion i'll open the floor to questions and comments, please do an @ for comment and ! for question, i'll try to answer as many as possible.
[14:39]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): ! what is consent when a Mistress is always the one saying what is t be done and what is not to be done?
[14:40]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @limits define consent or not to a point
[14:41]  εllεռ (ellenback): @ I wouldnt call that consent as consent is a mutuality not a polaric or one sided balance
[14:41]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): The sub always has the power to withdraw consent
[14:41]  Dee Chauveau: ! Wouldn't consent precede the mistress being ... mistressy?
[14:42]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @ "to a point", much the rest comes from the interviews/discussions leading to the relationship
[14:42]  Kitten Love-Lykin (kittyluvspain): true Dommes, i have found, do call the shots, so to speak, but would never request a sub of theirs to do something they do not wish
[14:42]  Jayne Gudkov: @the negotiation of limits
[14:42]  Kitten Love-Lykin (kittyluvspain) nods, it is why we, as subs, putn so much trust in our Owners
[14:42]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): ! so the parts include negotiation, hard limits card, whether it's a scene or lifestyle
[14:43]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): Unless they know their sub wants to be mm... tested beyond their typical limits, maybe.
[14:43]  Jayne Gudkov: @ Yes Tara
[14:43]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @ a true Domme serves the sub while an outsider may think it is the other way around
[14:43]  Jayne Gudkov: @exactly
[14:43]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): @ that negotiation shouldn't stop when the D/s starts though, if you are going to have a growing and changing relationhip, it needs to be an ongoing dialoge.
[14:44]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena) should have put an @ in the above, and oopsies that.
[14:44]  Jayne Gudkov: @ the true power lies in what the submissive gives to the Dominant - not the other way around
[14:44]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @ also, the sub ALWAYS keeps the control, the Domme has the power, sub has Control
[14:44]  Kitten Love-Lykin (kittyluvspain): @ They protect us, and we make Their lives more pleasant
[14:44]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): ! at what point is the sub receiving the power then?
[14:44]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): or control as tara just stated
[14:45]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): ! also distinction between slave and sub
[14:45]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): @isn't it in the dominants raison d'être to know what the limits and parameters are and guide the submissive past a few of them ?
[14:45]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @control is not power, 2 very different things
[14:45]  Jayne Gudkov: @ from the very beginning - from the opening of the discussions with a prospective Dominant
[14:46]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @ sub seldo gets the power, Domme NEVER gets control
[14:46]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): @ even when pushing a persons limits, there needs to be particular sensitivity to their continued consent
[14:46]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): @interesting
[14:46]  Svetlana Sikorsky: isnt submission simply to personal too individual to generalise
[14:46]  Jayne Gudkov: @ yes Cherry
[14:46]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): @agree with Svatlana
[14:47]  Jayne Gudkov: @ it is very hard to generalize BDSM - there are far too many tastes and kinks :-)
[14:47]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): ! i think we're discussing definition of terms so we can have a discussion :)
[14:48]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): @ I think, the distinction between a slave and sub can vary, but for me, a slave didn't have consent to give, and are powerless to their owners. But it can vary, from person to person.
[14:48]  Svetlana Sikorsky: each persons kink is different but no more or less valid than the next so its all a question of mutual compatibility
[14:48]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): :)
[14:48]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): yes, I agree
[14:48]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena) lags out for whatever reason...
[14:48]  Kitten Love-Lykin (kittyluvspain): @like any relationship, even between family
[14:49]  Jayne Gudkov: @ exactly Svetlana
[14:49]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): @compatability
[14:49]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): @my understanding is a slave gives consent once and then that's it, a sub is in a more ongoing dialogue within the relationship. Though even in a slave situation, a responsible Dominant will still be conscious of their slaves needs
[14:49]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): ... @ I think, the distinction between a slave and sub can vary, but for me, a slave didn't have consent to give, and are powerless to their owners. But it can vary, from person to person.
[14:50]  Jayne Gudkov: @ plus it all depends upon the Milieu in which you are engaged
[14:50]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): now the second idea is... How to succeed in finding a Mistress (without really trying)
[14:50]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): chocolate
[14:51]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): lol
[14:51]  Dee Chauveau: Chocolate and a trap.
[14:51]  εllεռ (ellenback): aim for the ground and miss
[14:51]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): lol
[14:51]  Dee Chauveau: Don't look for a mistress, look for someone you like and trust.
[14:51]  Svetlana Sikorsky: lobby for 6 yrs and hope ?
[14:51]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): the flip side would be... how to succeed in finding a sub (without going to the auctions)
[14:52]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @ the harder you look, the less likely you will find
[14:52]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): inquiring minds want to know
[14:52]  Dee Chauveau: @ True, Tara.
[14:52]  Jayne Gudkov: @ want ads
[14:52]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @ simply go places you like and meet the people there
[14:52]  Svetlana Sikorsky: i got it
[14:52]  Svetlana Sikorsky: be a regular visitor here
[14:53]  Svetlana Sikorsky: simple
[14:53]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): hehehe
[14:53]  Svetlana Sikorsky: lol
[14:53]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): or any place you are comfy
[14:53]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): :)
[14:53]  Jayne Gudkov: @ that's one - and talk talk talk to others
[14:53]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): look past infatuation and wait to see if you can love them as only a sub can then discuss the collar thing
[14:53]  Jayne Gudkov: @both Dominants and submissives
[14:53]  Mermaid Stormcrow: the comments are important to hear, please keep the chit chat down.
[14:53]  εllεռ (ellenback): @ imho a D/s dynamic is no different from any relationship dynamic in the sense of the things you should look for in the other person, honesty compatibility, friendship etc and build and explore from there
[14:54]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): agreed Petina, a lot of discussion and getting to know each other is essential
[14:54]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): like Miss Dee suggested... do not look for a Mistress. Look for a friend. Over time, dynamics in that friendship will emerge, along with communication. it is what happened to me, with Mistress, the dynamics evolved over time and what was a friendship evolved to a D/s dynamic.
[14:54]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): what about for shy people??
[14:54]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): for those of us who are shy...
[14:55]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): i should know, i was terribly shy
[14:55]  Svetlana Sikorsky: blinks
[14:55]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @hiding at home will satisfy need to be shy, but nothing else
[14:55]  Jayne Gudkov: @ :-)
[14:55]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): try to show that you are available to converse, smile, flirt if you can.
[14:55]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @even shy needs to take a few steps
[14:55]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): :)
[14:55]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): but the important thing is... go out there :)
[14:55]  Dee Chauveau: @ A step one can take is to write a decent profile.
[14:56]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): :)
[14:56]  Dee Chauveau: @ People do read them. I always read them.
[14:56]  Svetlana Sikorsky: gulps
[14:56]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @profile, a most important 1st step for online
[14:56]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): i've taken care in writing a profile with how i am, as truthfully as i can.
[14:56]  εllεռ (ellenback): @ Be selective - relationships aren't races to a finish line
[14:56]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): we will have discussions and demonstrations for all these :)
[14:56]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): I read profiles of any that get my attention
[14:56]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): writing a profile, and maintaining it, are important
[14:57]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): People read those!
[14:57]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): it's better to not be in a relationship than in one that doesn't work
[14:57]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @mostly ignore blank or nearly blank profiles, regardless age
[14:57]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): it is a sort of peek preview of a person.
[14:57]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): honestly fill out a preference card and keep it updated. I know it is old fashioned but saves time and looks professional as if you have put effort into it
[14:57]  Svetlana Sikorsky: one idea i had to separate the wheat from the chaff was to write a story "my first day with Mistress" and gave it interested party if they hated it i knew it was a no goer and visa versa
[14:58]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): because it's not very easy for me to establish first contact, i rely on what is on my profile to introduce me
[14:58]  Dee Chauveau: @ It's annoying to see someone you think you might like and you open their profile andit's empty. AND they've been here six years.
[14:58]  Dee Chauveau: @ Interesting idea, Sveta.
[14:59]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @empty profile-automatic pass, if they are 6 years old, "What are they hiding?"
[14:59]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): a broken heart
[14:59]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): i think an empty profile means they are hiding something
[14:59]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): on an old profile, yes
[14:59]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): most of the time it's a male
[14:59]  Dee Chauveau: @ I don'tknow about hiding something, I think it shows laziness.
[14:59]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): lol
[15:00]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): hiding their laziness???
[15:00]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity) giggles
[15:00]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): Or that they are only in sl for one thing ;0)
[15:00]  εllεռ (ellenback): hunts?
[15:00]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): thus I give an automatic pass...not worth time
[15:00]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): yes Ellen...hunts :0P
[15:01]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): hunts for kitties >.>
[15:01]  Svetlana Sikorsky: zippps
[15:01]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): so... profiles are important. communicating, verbally or non verbally, is important, and being available is important.
[15:02]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): and say what you mean not a bunch of around the bush talking
[15:02]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): returning to the notion of finding a mistress without trying, aren't we establishing that you have to try? lol
[15:02]  εllεռ (ellenback): good point
[15:03]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): "looking" for a Dominant will not usually get you a good one, in my experience. i have done that, and i have gotten burned.
[15:03]  Melissa  Moonlight (melissamoonlight) is Offline
[15:03]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @not try directly, but set the stage for a favourable meeting
[15:03]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): there's a difference between looking and increasing your chances of finding
[15:03]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): :)
[15:04]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): @forgive me but I would like to say that we are on the edge of normal society. We would want some understanding of our alternate lifestyle and yet..... as a rule we are generally discriminatory about anything that does not conform to "our" norms. Surely we should be more welcoming of the diversity amongst us and not decry anyone or anything that we finds strange or odd
[15:04]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): thank you tara, that is important
[15:05]  εllεռ (ellenback): @the best route to finding a good D is the same in its' essence as finding a good s, be selective, be picky, take your time and be confident about what you are both looking and not looking for
[15:06]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): nods
[15:06]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): what about noobs?? we don't know what we want
[15:06]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): thank You Miss Ellen
[15:06]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): now for "noobs"
[15:07]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): then take it slow and don't make big commitments til you do know what you want Tessa
[15:07]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): i have a special piece of advice... well two
[15:07]  Dee Chauveau: That's why we have dungeons, Tessa, to show you what you want.
[15:07]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): hehe
[15:08]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @noobs need to find discussions like this :)
[15:08]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov) nods
[15:08]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): yes, it is a big help
[15:08]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): the first piece of advice... re how i opened the discussion: Don't Panic
[15:09]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): one ex owner of the Cellar once said .... take six months and experience all your kinks and perversions and find out what you like and dislike. Only then are you calm enough to think about having a collar round your neck
[15:09]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): but how do you get the experience? no one takes a noob out
[15:09]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): and i will take Miss Petina's words and resume them with: Know Thyself
[15:09]  Dee Chauveau: Also good, Petina.
[15:10]  Svetlana Sikorsky: well a famous philosopher once said All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.
Friedrich Nietzsche
[15:10]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): That was Miss San who said that ㋡
[15:10]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @noobs need to do about the same thing, participate in groups like this, get to know and meet others
[15:11]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): i'll branch out the discussion, "why are new submissives so unlucky?"
[15:11]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @slowly they are less the noob, only then are they ready
[15:11]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): they expect that being the sub is easy
[15:11]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @no such thing as luck, good or bad
[15:12]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): because they haven't the experience to spot signs of incompatibility and unskilled Dominance and so find themselves in situations which more experienced ones would have foreseen and avoided
[15:12]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): that they only have to do what the mistress says and not think or give anything to the relationship
[15:12]  Lex Berchot: "in my opinion there is no such as luck"</obi-wan kenobi>
[15:12]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @ instead of luck Louis Pasteur said "Chance favours the prepared mind"
[15:12]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): It doesn't really have that much to do with luck. Just a matter of numbers, and experience. Numbers meaning, how many Mistresses are around often, and how many subs they already have.
[15:12]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): Learn all you can to prepare
[15:13]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): the cue being, again, knowing oneself, one's characters, flaws, likes and dislikes
[15:13]  Svetlana Sikorsky: She who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.
[15:13]  Dee Chauveau: And prepare for disappointment.
[15:13]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): @yes Dee :(
[15:14]  Dee Chauveau: Except perhaps in SL, Sveta.
[15:14]  Dee Chauveau: But this place is ... different
[15:14]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): noo, disappointment comes when you least expect it, even in SL
[15:14]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): now, f i may, before moving towards the third topic
[15:15]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): i would like to resume what was exposed
[15:15]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): you have the floor mousey
[15:17]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): first, there is no such a thing as finding a dominant. there is such a thing as finding a friend who happens to be dominant. With that friend, if the chemistry is right, and after talking about things in an equal, no-fault setting, one can discover whether the two are well suited to engage in power exchange.
[15:18]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): second, to know whom to surrender to requires self knowledge first. Self exploration, self reflection, even occasional play with no commitment are tools one has as submissive to understand one's self and know "what makes this girl melt into a puddle of goo"
[15:19]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): hear hear !
[15:20]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): third... frustration, loneliness, or even just plain being horny are not good reasons to seek to engage in power exchange. Willingness to serve, to give one's self, selflessly, to some one one can trust, is a good reason to engage in power exchange.
[15:22]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): now... for topic three... Released! How to cope with breakup and not be embittered about it
[15:22]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): tissues, duvet sad music and a huge box of biscuits
[15:23]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): 35 kg chocolate
[15:23]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): that's simple, lie to me and you get your release in two seconds
[15:23]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): relationships are not a static thing. Instead, they are very much "living": the dynamics change over time
[15:23]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): 25 kg favourite ice cream
[15:23]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): hang out with friends
[15:24]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): such changes could be a stressor in a D/s relationship, especially if there is insufficient communication.
[15:24]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): omg yes, so true
[15:25]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): Communication is Very Important During AND After
[15:25]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena) holds up the Golden Key of Communication.
[15:26]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): if such stresses happen and reach a point where the relationship can no longer be sustained, it's inevitable that both parties will be affected by the break up
[15:26]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): if the Mistress doesn't just up and disconnect you in all ways
[15:26]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): Lack of communication feed anger, fear etc
[15:26]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): breakups are really hard on the kids
[15:26]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): more exchange happens during after care than any other time
[15:26]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): it is more important than the actual act
[15:27]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): so... to survive a break up, what does one do?
[15:27]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): BOTH need to communicate
[15:27]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): Not rush into another relationship...
[15:27]  Lex Berchot: chocolate.
[15:27]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): Not a lot you can do if other will not
[15:27]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): :(
[15:27]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): does one malign one's partner? cut him / her off? indulge?
[15:27]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): more chocolate
[15:28]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): i submit that tame is taken
[15:28]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): actually ... we have an expert in our midst .... Svet, you sacked a few how did you survive ?
[15:28]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): self time to process the end of a relationship in the same way in which one processes the loss of a lved one.
[15:28]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): loved*
[15:28]  Heiss: And chocolate.
[15:29]  Heiss: More sex,
[15:29]  Heiss: Whatever works for you.
[15:29]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): and, yes, i am speaking about going through the five stages
[15:29]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): but what is important is
[15:29]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): do not rush into a relationship soon after breaking up
[15:29]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): and especially a D/s one
[15:30]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): whee I was right
[15:30]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): one sulks and throws away all the pictures ever taken, deletes all that reminds her of that mistress, writes a note ( nasty or not) the mutes and disconnect the mistress never to speak her name again
[15:30]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): D/s relationships are intense
[15:30]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): sounds really mature Miss Kay...
[15:30]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): that's what you do when you're not bitter Kay?
[15:30]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): that's what I had to do when I got disconnected
[15:30]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): because one has shown to some one one's most vulnerable parts
[15:30]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): and no i do not refer to squishy parts
[15:31]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): i refer to i refer to those parts of our selves, psychologically speaking, that we are reluctant to show
[15:32]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): because those parts constitute our darker side.
[15:32]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): it may seem childish Tessa, but I trusted that mistress with my life, nary a negative word to me, just ups one day and throws me out. not explaining a thing
[15:33]  Lex Berchot still speaks to her two former owners .... one is still a tremendous good friend
[15:33]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): to show this darkness to some one is to be vulnerable
[15:33]  Svetlana Sikorsky: lol relates to what kay said
[15:34]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): i had to deal with the pain and shame, the not knowing what i did or didn't do, not learning a thing or how to correct it to make it work better, it crushed me
[15:35]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): and break ups are hard because as a submissive there is always guilt associated to our mistakes to some point or other
[15:35]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): I speak tp two other ex mistress, so it is not always like that
[15:35]  Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): I cant speak for myself but I've had a friend that's had a similar situation that crushed her too.
[15:35]  Dee Chauveau: And then you go a little mad, weep, beat the walls and the floor and the ceiling if you can reach it, drink too much, eat too much, drive your friends to distractions and after a time, live again.
[15:36]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): really I don't think the answers for this question are any different for a Ds relationship break up than a vanilla one. Some relationships end with a hug, some with a bang, some with a whimper and some in total confusion, and there is no easy apply to all solution for dealing with them
[15:36]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): aye, here here Dee
[15:36]  Svetlana Sikorsky: i was bitter but then i do have habit of bagging cellar owners which tends to alleviate the problem
[15:36]  εllεռ (ellenback): exactly cherry
[15:36]  Xara McGuinness (xara.boivin): i was getting food
[15:36]  Dee Chauveau: And put their heads on the wall, Sveta?
[15:37]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): to wrap it up, each of us processes a loss in different ways
[15:37]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): what is important is that we take the time to process it
[15:37]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): and more important still
[15:37]  Svetlana Sikorsky: i didnt lift the contracts yet but i might and buy a new dress instead
[15:37]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): that we do not blame ourselves for it
[15:38]  Svetlana Sikorsky: oh its never my fault
[15:38]  εllεռ (ellenback): and recognise the difference between self critique and blame
[15:38]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): my Mistress now, wouldn't take me until I have finished grieving for my last mistress.
[15:38]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): unless of course it *is* effectively our fault, in which case there is an added complicator... dealing with the guilt
[15:39]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): it's a time for self reflection, which isn't always easy. We might not like what we see of ourselves.
[15:39]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): that is called reflective practice. It is were you examine what went wrong and how never to make the same errors again
[15:39]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): absolutely Mouse
[15:39]  Dee Chauveau: As Doctor Franklin told me once, the three hardest things are a diamond, steel and knowing yourself.
[15:40]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): guilt is a deep feeling for some, personally i have a very developed sense of guilt and even my smallest mistakes elicit a strong, "why did you make that mistake?" accusation from the inner censor in my head
[15:40]  Dee Chauveau: Welcome to being female in the West, Mouse.
[15:40]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): even if Mistress says that it is okay to fail, i still feel guilty that i fail
[15:41]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): the important thing is to learn
[15:41]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): thank You Miss Cherry, yes, learning is important, and the lessons from a break up should accompany us for the rest of our days.
[15:43]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): i will now open the floor for further comments, ideas, or additions. Thank You for participating, and i look forward to hosting further talks. Please forgive the technical difficulties, i did my best to overcome them.
[15:43]  Petina  (tina987.vaniva): well done Mouse
[15:43]  Cherry Tinkercuffs (cherryberrie81): thank you for all your hard work mouse, especially in the face of technical issues
[15:43]  Lauren (blondegirl19): thank you Mouse
[15:44]  Dee Chauveau: Welldone, Mouse.
[15:44]  εllεռ (ellenback): Nicely done Mouse
[15:44]  Dee Chauveau applauds
[15:44]  Mara Farlight: Thank you Mouse, sorry I missed some of it
[15:44]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): thank you so much mousey-love, we will post the session (cleaned up) on notecard and the Cellar blog
[15:44]  Lex Berchot: way to go mousey!!
[15:44]  Tara Leafy Love (tarabk.calamity): Good Job Mouse
[15:44]   ҠѦŶ ℝίԌԌℒℰS (kaykeffie.foxclaw): super mouse, thank you, this was a great topic
[15:44]  Lex Berchot passes Mouse the ardbeg
[15:44]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): :)
[15:45]  Mouse Love Lykin (minnigirl): that's alright mara, tessy, if you would and if you were online during all of the event may i please ask you to produce a note card for it?
[15:45]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): and i will be moderating one tomorrow a bit later for the American crowd
[15:45]  ღ Ţєşşa ღ (tessaromanov): i got it mousey :)

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