Cognitive Dissonance in BDSM 07 August 2014

[11:46:50] Linda Doune: Mistress....
[11:46:52] Linda Doune: and faery
[11:47:01] Fawn Starflare: It's a way of making your world feel ordered, safe, and secure.
[11:47:14] Linda Doune: it took a while to "come out" as my true spirit
[11:47:28] Linda Doune: coming out... to bdsm places... as a pure fairy
[11:47:32] Linda Doune: is....
[11:47:33] Linda Doune: well
[11:47:46] Linda Doune: this is the first time I've come here like this
[11:47:53] Linda Doune: but I can not hide my true desire
[11:48:04] Fawn Starflare: Congratulations, linda.
[11:48:12] A-Toy-Dragon (dragony.darkfury) smiles
[11:48:30] Linda Doune: in the faery world..... bdsm is so anathemic to the lifestyle.. it is totally forbidden
[11:48:38] Linda Doune: it is seen as not loving
[11:48:51] Linda Doune: but it is me
[11:48:59] Linda Doune: as well as seeing a girl on her knees.. is me
[11:49:43] Linda Doune: I am still a member here
[11:49:54] A-Toy-Dragon (dragony.darkfury) remembers reading "Bondage Fairies" comic and giggles
[11:50:22] Fawn Starflare: If you are comfortable with it, lets make this part of the description. Your feelings are so much like my own that the dissonant couplet is different.
[11:50:27] Linda Doune: at least when I am over there
[11:50:40] Linda Doune: I need to hide my desire to take my wife and make her kneel
[11:50:51] Linda Doune: but I do that when I am not physically .. ehehe.. here
[11:51:38] Linda Doune: I was dominant outwardly for ages
[11:51:47] Linda Doune: years even... you have known me for years, Fawn
[11:52:02] Linda Doune: inside me was.. this...
[11:52:05] Linda Doune: and it won out
[11:52:22] Fawn Starflare: I think it's great.
[11:53:05] Fawn Starflare: Personally I have no issue with dominant faeries, however I understand the conflict within your community.
[11:53:21] Linda Doune: my community... dissolved on me
[11:53:32] Fawn Starflare: It's nice to see you -- OUT -- happy and comfortable with yourself.
[11:53:41] Linda Doune: that gave me the opportunity to explore and expound ... with my gentler inside
[11:53:55] Linda Doune: clubs I have been with for years... dissolved.. and shocked me
[11:55:25] Linda Doune: Bdsm has been part of my life here since I came on 5 yrs ago
[11:55:37] Linda Doune: so... you can say this is a huge shift ㋡
...
...
[12:13:22] Fawn Starflare: ok ladies. its time to get this discussion going.
[12:17:21] Fawn Starflare: so the topic of discussion today is cognitive dissonance.
[12:19:10] Fawn Starflare: i find the term quite evocative. dissonance is a musical term. it refers to the potentially awful sounds of many notes sounding in a way other than harmony.
[12:22:18] Fawn Starflare: cognitive refers to thinking, to thoughts. So cognitive dissonance, thoughts that clash.
[12:22:51] Melody (j3nny.fanshaw): well isn't the proper definition thought out of harmony
[12:23:13] Fawn Starflare: As humans we are rife with (full of) cognitive dissonance.
[12:23:34] Fawn Starflare: Yes, and I did refer to it as notes out of harmony earlier.
[12:23:45] Melody (j3nny.fanshaw): yes you did
[12:25:23] Melody (j3nny.fanshaw): on one hand we like to keep a pet safe, on the other hand as in the case of the cow we cause harm by removing the arms in order to keep it safe and feel loved. hurt countering our intent to keep safe and love is a very basic version of this idea of our topic
[12:25:58] Fawn Starflare: Exactly.
[12:26:30] Fawn Starflare: For Linda, it is being into BDSM and being a faery at the same time as faeries think BDSM is wrong.
[12:27:41] Fawn Starflare: For me it is being a person who listens to women wounded by all sorts of things and also being a Mistress, in effect taking advantage of my psychic injury and that of the women I dominate.
[12:28:05] Fawn Starflare: The two roles clash and the discomfort in my head is great.
[12:28:39] Melody (j3nny.fanshaw): many of the people we listen to are hurt by bdsm yet we give them bdsm to help them heal
[12:29:39] Melody (j3nny.fanshaw): humans are silly creatures and very complicated
[12:32:40] Melody (j3nny.fanshaw): i would say our topic has a thousand different meanings all of which are important to cover like binding girls to set them free as well as our whip used to punish despite out hate of doing it
[12:33:29] Melody (j3nny.fanshaw): i would love to wipe the tears away when whipping them i want to protect them but under my protection they are being hurt and punished
[12:33:31] Fawn Starflare: I have to say, this chat has been easier than I expected. At least three of you came in with exactly the same notion of cognitive dissonance, conflicts in the way we perceive ourselves with reference to our obsession with BDSM.
[12:34:33] Fawn Starflare: But most often, our freeing the tears with pain of some sort and not wiping them away is exactly what the other needs.
[12:35:54] Fawn Starflare: And the fact is that being a Domme, maybe even a Sadistic Domme, does not preclude genuine love and caring. treating our girls with the same care and concern as in a vanilla relationship.
[12:36:16] Melody (j3nny.fanshaw): i agree
[12:36:27] Melody (j3nny.fanshaw): i'm just using references
[12:36:39] Fawn Starflare: It is acceptance that for toy her natural state is being bound. It makes her appreciate the brief periods on freedom (non-bound).
[12:36:56] A-Toy-Dragon (dragony.darkfury): =^.^=
[12:37:14] A-Toy-Dragon (dragony.darkfury) makes sure to look CUTE and INNOCENT
[12:37:25] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): :)
[12:38:06] Fawn Starflare: For me as healer of sorts, most of what I do as a Domme is not healing. On the other hand neither do I do anything that will harm the psyche of one of the girls I play with.
[12:38:29] Fawn Starflare stroke's toy's hair.
[12:38:44] Fawn Starflare: She may be quiet, but she is always listening.
[12:38:59] Fawn Starflare tousles toy's hair affectionately.
[12:39:16] A-Toy-Dragon (dragony.darkfury) purrs loudly
[12:39:16] Scarlet leans over and rests its head on the chair of the trainer.
[12:39:45] A-Toy-Dragon (dragony.darkfury): puRrrRrRrrrrRrr
[12:39:55] Fawn Starflare smiles at the cow.
[12:40:41] Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): Hehe, she reminds me of one of my oldest friends, also a cowgirl :3
[12:55:52] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): and thank you for these discussions
[12:56:08] Adonna Star (adonnaberti): :)
[12:56:32] Akala Tanara (slyan.alena): Aw, good luck and hope you have a wonderful rest of the day ^^